Let’s be real: Grief doesn’t wait until after someone dies to show up.
Sometimes, it creeps in while you’re still booking appointments, still making cups of tea, still watching their chest rise and fall while silently begging it not to stop. That’s anticipatory grief, the heartbreak that hits before the final goodbye.
And if you’re a carer? You’re probably drowning in it while also trying to keep everything else afloat.
So What Is Anticipatory Grief, Anyway?
It’s grief in advance.
You’re mourning what’s to come; the loss of a person, yes, but also the loss of who they were, the life you had, the future you imagined.
You might feel:
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Numb and detached one minute, painfully emotional the next
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Angry at the world (or at them, yep, that’s normal too)
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Guilty for wanting it to be over, and then guilty for feeling guilty
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Like no one understands because “they’re still alive” and “you should be grateful”
Spoiler: all of that is normal. Anticipatory grief is complex, invisible, and isolating as hell.
If You’re a Carer, You’re Probably Burnt Out and Emotionally Bankrupt.
Let’s talk straight: Caring is holy work, but it’s also hard, unrelenting, unpaid (or underpaid), and emotionally brutal. You’re holding someone else’s pain while your own world quietly cracks underneath you.
And yet? You’re expected to keep showing up. Every. Damn. Day.
So, How Do You Look After You?
Here’s some Dead Honest self-care; not spa-day fluff, but actual life-support stuff.
1. Lower the Bar
Today, success might look like brushing your teeth and sending one email. That’s enough. Let it be enough.
2. Say the Hard Things
Talk to someone. A friend, a therapist, a doula, your cat, whoever listens without fixing. Name the feelings. Rage if you need to. Cry ugly.
3. Make Space for Micro-Moments
You don’t need a weekend away. You need five minutes with the sun on your face. A song that feels like a hug. One good breath.
4. Get Support (and Say Yes to It)
Dead Honest Club isn’t just here for the dying. We’re here for you, the one doing the quiet labour of love in the background. Book a grief chat. Come to a group. You don’t have to earn it by “falling apart.” Support is for the strong too.
5. Let It Be Messy
There’s no gold star for coping “gracefully.” Scream into a pillow. Leave the dishes. Be human.
You Deserve Support Too.
This grief you’re carrying before the end? It’s real. And it’s valid. Your care matters. And so do you.
You don’t have to be stoic. You don’t have to do it all alone. Reach out. Talk. Breathe. Cry. Laugh at something stupid. Let us walk beside you through the mess.
Need a place to offload?
Book in for a chat, a grief session, or just slide into our inbox with whatever’s on your chest.
We’re not here to fix you.
We’re here to fcking see you.*
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